I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
