There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
