At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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