I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
