You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
