Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
