Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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