The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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