Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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