Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
