I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
