I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
