Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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