Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
