I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
