Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We left the knife in your bed.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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