Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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