I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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