Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
