i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
nutella sex= disaster
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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