just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
me + whiskey = a bad person
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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