even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
