after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
