I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
