was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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