I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
