I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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