i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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