i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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