booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
