i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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