Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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