Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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