come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
