dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Randomize
