So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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