Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
