i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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