plz talk dirty to me
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
