the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
