you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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