That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
