At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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