Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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