I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
