You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
