just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
