nut hugger
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
