Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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