I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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