WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
